I've been going back and forth about posting this for several hours now.  Tossing and turning, sleep will be a luxury tonight.  So what the hell, I'll post it.  Maybe I'll get a little peace out of it.

Today I received about the worst news I've received in a long time...it ranks just under my Mother getting ill:  One of my best friends passed away Tuesday afternoon after battling a lengthy illness.  Needless to say, the "vacation from Jayson" has been abruptly interrupted and I now have yet another horrible incident to throw onto the "Jayson's shitty luck" bonfire that seems to not only be raging out of control, but is getting even bigger.  I had planned on my hiatus lasting a bit longer, but sadly it's over due to this tragedy.  I'm back so that I can grieve with friends and family, and of course attend the service along with the various other things that go on when the death of a loved one occurs.  I can't even take some time away without some craziness occurring.  I give up.

I had planned on hammering out this big long post about him, but I'm just a bit too shaken up right now (before he became sick we were virtually attached at the hip; he also helped me jump start my programming career).  In due time I will eventually give my (online) eulogy for him, I just can't do it now.  Unfortunately as his illness progressed our contact became more and more limited, and ultimately ceased to exist a few months ago as Hospice began to take over.  Even worse I don't know too many details as to exactly what happened other than he succumbed to his condition, which was never fully diagnosed, but was most closely symptomatic to ALS (aka Lou Gehrig's disease).  I pray that it was painless at the end, however I'm quite sure that the months leading up to his death were quite scary and confusing as his body began to shut down.  I don't even want to think about it.

<rant>

This has been just about the shittiest 12 month period timespan I think I've ever experienced.  I'm usually not one to complain (well, not here at least) but the insanity absolutely has to stop.  The whole reason I was getting away in the first place is that I'm about 2 inches away from the breaking point where I either A) go postal or B) climb the nearest clock tower and start sniping.  I used to handle stress well, and I guess we all do in small doses, or large doses spread out over a period of time...but large doses bunched together in such a short timespan is unbearable. 

I realize that death is as certain as taxes and is a part of life, but he was 31 years old and just about the most brilliant person I've ever met.  Like, genius level smart.  Scary smart.  Didn't smoke, didn't drink too much, partied a little in the earlier years but settled down, had a dream job at Microsoft that he held for years, even long after he began showing symptoms (MS will do anything and everything for their employees regardless of their condition)...just an all around great guy.  A guy's guy.  And this shit had to happen to him.  Meanwhile freaks like this guy will probably live to be a hundred and three and will never know the terror that undoubtedly plagued my friend during his final months.

< /rant>

Regardless life goes on.  I will post more as reality sets in and my brain has some time to cool off, which it was very close to doing during my break.  It's all good.  Writing is probably the best (non-athletic) therapy that there is.

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